Secrets
by Maia
Summary: Everbody has to have secrets...I mean, if we didn't we'd be pathetic losers cause everyone would know everything about us!


Final Fantasy VII  
By Maia(I'm a little HYPERRRRRR)  
  
Secrets  
"Everyone has secrets…I mean, you'd be a lame loser  
if you didn't cause everyone would know everything about you. Ewww…"  
  
( Some bar in Junon )  
  
Reno sat at a table, his head hanging over the back of his chair. He was about to snooze when Rude stomped into the bar. Reno was abruptly awakened by Rude who immediately sat himself next to Reno. Reno rubbed an eye with his wrist and yawned slightly. He was a tad tipsy from those vodkas.  
  
Reno: Ruude…what's up? Why're you so angry?  
  
Rude didn't respond, he just ordered vodka and as soon as it came out he grabbed the glass and chugged it down quickly. Reno grinned, his face slightly red from being drunken.  
  
Reno: Hehehe…is it about Elena?  
  
Rude: …none of your business.  
  
Reno: Oh c'mon ol' buddy, ol' pal! You can tell me, your bestest best friend!  
  
The red head grinned largely, trying to win over the troubled baldy's troubles. Rude glared at Reno for a moment, then let his anger escape with a light sigh.  
  
Rude: Fine. You know Elena likes Tseng, right?  
  
Reno: Oooh…I get what you're saying. You're still jealous…aren't you? Hehehe…  
  
Rude sent a look over to Reno who immediately ceased his snickering and gulped down another vodka. Rude just continued to drink with his friend until Tseng walked in. Tseng frowned and walked over to Rude and Reno, looking at them like they were pathetic…not like they weren't or anything.  
  
Tseng: We are needed back at ShinRa Headquarters. It seems Hojo has escaped from the Looney Home.  
  
Reno: Gimme one more!  
  
Rude: Raaaarrrh…the looney's wandering around again?  
  
Tseng: I'm afraid so…it seems he's in cahoots with Sephiroth…again.  
  
Reno and Rude wobbled up and crawled up the stairs drunk. Tseng just watched them and sighed again and again and again. These were the elite Turks…the assassins of ShinRa Inc. under the rule of President Rufus. Tseng followed the two slow pokes to the helicopter as they were shoved in. They needed the assistance.  
  
( 70th floor, ShinRa Inc. )  
  
Elena stood quietly in front of the impatient Rufus who aimed his shotgun at a dartboard with a picture of Cloud on it. Elena held out her hand to stop Rufus.  
  
Elena: Er…President Rufus…sir. Perhaps you shouldn't fire your shotgun at that board.  
  
Rufus: Elena…I'm the President. You're the Turk. Get the picture?  
  
With that said, he fired that shotgun at the picture of Cloud and as soon as the bullet slammed into the dartboard, it immediately blew up into small colorful dartboard pieces. The pieces flew everywhere as Elena ducked behind a chair, Rufus hid under his desk, and the unaware Reeve had a few pieces slammed into his face. As soon as the pieces ceased, Rufus peered from under his desk and Elena peeked, wide-eyed from behind the chair. Reeve was still…in shock.  
  
Rufus: Ha! CLOD'S FACE BLEW UP!  
  
Elena: Good grief…  
  
Reeve: Sir. The room is a mess.  
  
Rufus: Then clean it up.  
  
Reeve: Yes sir.  
  
Just then Tseng walked in slowly with the two drunken Turks holding each other following close behind. They're faces were bright red and they were tugging the back of Tseng's jacket, telling him to take it off. Rufus sat straight in his chair, as if nothing happened and looked all official. Elena stood straight as soon as Tseng walked in; he just gave a grin to her, which made her heart soar. Rude's face turned bright red when he saw this but didn't say anything.  
  
Rufus: Greeaat…drunk again?  
  
Reno: RUFFY! Hey! What's up my homie!?  
  
Rufus: Ruffy? What the hell? Homie!?  
  
Rude: Raarrrgg…  
  
Tseng: Sorry I took so long, sir. These two took a while to get out of there.  
  
Rufus: I understand. Well then, we have a serious issue.  
  
Elena sat herself down slowly into a comfortable chair, along with Rude and Tseng. Reno attempted to sit in an empty chair, but being as drunk as he was, landed on the floor. He just sat there with a wide grin on his face. Reeve passed a few times, cleaning up the broken dartboard pieces. Rufus placed his hands on the desk.  
  
Rufus: Hojo seemed to have teamed up with Sephiroth again. This time he's made a special secret weapon. This assignment is a difficult one, and I trust you Turks will find Hojo and Sephiroth and stop them from retaking the world.  
  
All Turks: Yes sir.  
  
They stood all at once and walked out of the room slowly. Reno, still drunk, skipped down the stairs yelling happily. Rude was beginning to feel more normal and walked down casually with Elena and Tseng.  
  
( Cid's house )  
  
Cid: Whaddya say you overgrown fluffball? Sephiroth and Hojo are working together!?  
  
Cait Sith: Yep! Yep! I heard it all, sounds like the Turks are going to try to settle this one out.  
  
Cloud: Ciiiid! Where'd your TV go? I want TV!!!  
  
Cid: I threw the @#$%^Y^* out! It started developing static on my favorite station. Shera's out getting a new one now.  
  
Cloud: Poo.  
  
Barret: What's that foo'? POO? What the hell?  
  
Cid: What kind of pansy-ass language is that!?  
  
Cloud sniffed.  
  
Cloud: Mine.  
  
Tifa: Shhh…Cloud…it's okay. Barret, Cid! Stop teasing him!  
  
Aeris: Yeah Cloud. Don't cry!  
  
Cid: Oh boy.  
  
The two women's eyes crossed and glared coldly at each other. For a moment, time stopped on the two. A war was beginning.  
  
Aeris: Clouudd, want some tea? I'm SURE you're thirsty.  
  
Tifa: Cloooudd! Want some of my homemade drinks? I'm SURE they're MUCH better.  
  
Aeris: Cloud's is having MY drink!  
  
Tifa: NO! MINE!  
  
Aeris: MINE!  
  
Tifa: MINE!  
  
Yuffie shoved the door open and stepped inside right then. She completely ignored Tifa and Aeris' dispute and walked straight over to the quiet one's in the corner. Red XIII and Vincent sat quietly watching the commotion. Both they're eyes(er…Red only has one)moved to Yuffie.  
  
Yuffie: So, what's going on other than the Cloud thing?  
  
Red XIII: Hojo has made a new weapon and partnered with Sephiroth to retake the world. Rufus just sent the Turks out now.  
  
Vincent: They're not going to be able to take care of it…alone.  
  
Yuffie: Soo..,any clue where to start?  
  
Vincent: North Crater maybe?  
Red XIII: That sounds good.  
  
Red XIII stood and turned to face the commotion. Cid and Barret were making fun of Cloud as he sat on the floor crying like a baby. And Aeris and Tifa argued over Cloud. Vincent also stood, deciding to go ahead.  
  
Vincent: I'll go alone.  
  
With that said, he walked out without a response. Cait Sith popped up and hopped out the door also deciding to peek at Costa Del Sol. Seems they were all going to split up into groups. Red XIII sighed and dragged Cloud and Cid out of the war field.  
  
Red XIII: North Crater?  
  
Cid: Sounds good.  
  
Cloud: Let's skidaddle!  
  
Cid: What the hell was that pansy!?  
  
Cloud sniffed.  
  
Cloud: Muh-my language!  
  
Cid whapped Cloud over the head and Red XIII had to heave him out. Tifa went with Barret to Junon, leaving Aeris and Yuffie to go to Midgar. The house was empty with the exception of Shera, who was making tea.  
  
( Northern Crater )  
  
The Turks blinked at the black mailbox in front of the entrance of a large cave. The mailbox read, Sephiroth and without hesitation, they stumbled to the entrance, Reno lagging behind. As soon as they reached the door, Sephiroth stepped out. He was in his boxers and a white undershirt. The boxers had little masamunes covering them. They all blinked, except for Reno, who was still behind.  
  
Tseng: Hey Sephiroth! Is Hojo there?  
  
Sephiroth: Nooo…he just left. He had to go to Kalm to pick up some stuff. Why?  
  
Elena: We heard you were trying to retake the world. Hojo was making a new weapon to help you and then we were set on the job.  
  
Tseng: ELENA!  
  
Elena: EEK! SORRY!  
  
Tseng: Arrrgh!  
  
Rude: …  
  
Sephiroth: Well, in that case…Hojo's…at the Gold Saucer.  
  
Tseng: TO THE GOLD SAUCER!  
  
Tseng turned around to face a drunk Reno. Reno flung past Tseng and the other Turks and to Sephiroth. After a minute, he laughed in a drunken manner and slipped grabbing onto his boxer shorts and pulling them down. Sephiroth blushed and covered his privates up quickly. He gave a quick blow to Reno, thrusting him into Tseng's arms. After that, he pulled up his boxers and shuffled back inside. Tseng immediately dropped Reno to the ground.  
  
Reno: Owww!  
  
( Road to Sephiroth's house )  
  
Cid and Red XIII hauled an unconscious Cloud behind them. Cid was cussing under his breath and Red XIII was just silent. As they passed another wind tunnel, the Turks appeared. Cloud awakened and yawned, blinking.  
  
Cloud: Where are we?  
  
Cid: $%@%^$^@###^%$&! It's those #!##$^%@#@# Turks!  
  
Tseng: Don't be so happy to see us.  
  
Red XIII: Don't worry…we're not very happy.  
  
Elena: HEY! YOU! Don't talk back to Tseng!  
  
Cid: %$@!$! We'll talk back to you whenever we want!  
  
Rude: HEY! Don't talk back to Elena!  
  
Red XIII: Dear God, this isn't going anywhere.  
  
Tseng: The cat thing has a point.  
  
Red XIII just sighed and shook his head slowly, he was surrounded by imbeciles. Reno soon came up, rubbing his butt slowly. He was still not over the drunk thing and he slipped on some wet moss stuff. He tumbled towards the Turks quickly and landed into Rude. Rude slipped and landed on top of Reno.  
  
Rude: RENO! WATCH IT!  
  
Reno: Sowwy…  
  
Red XIII didn't change his mind as soon as Reno tumbled in. Tseng threw a rock at Reno's head, knocking him out. Elena heaved Reno onto Rude's back as soon as he assembled himself.  
  
Cid: So, you guys just came from Sephiroth's house? What's up with Hojo?  
  
Elena: Well, seems Sephiroth said Hojo was at the Gold Saucer and we're heading there to figure out the big bad weapon that Hojo's been working on.  
  
Tseng: ARRGH! ELENA!  
  
Elena: EEP! SORRY!  
  
Red XIII: So, he's at the Gold Saucer now.  
  
Cloud: Let's mosey on down!  
Cid: #@#%$@@%$! PANSY!  
  
With that a swift kick was given to Cloud's head, knocking him out again. Before they left, Cid charged forward and knocked all the Turks backwards making them fall. Cid grinned as Red XIII picked up Cloud and the three members of AVALANCHE ran off.  
  
Tseng: WE'LL GET YOU AVALANCHE! WE'LL GET YOU GOOD!  
  
Tseng yelled out cuss words as he waved his arms around trying to stand. Along with the other Turks doing the same.  
  
( ShinRa Inc. )  
  
Rufus stood, staring out the large window. He was thinking about…himself and how great and wonderful he is. Suddenly a dark figure was heading towards the window. He squinted trying to make it out when suddenly the doors slammed open and Aeris and Yuffie waltzed in. At the same time, Vincent smashed through the window on a rope.  
  
Aeris and Yuffie: VINCENT!?  
  
Vincent: You two? I had some unfinished business with Rufus here.  
  
Rufus: Okay…what business is that Gothic Man?  
  
Vincent: Gothic Man? Oh well…we need to talk as soon as Aeris and Yuffie leave.  
  
Yuffie: HEY! We aren't leaving till' we find out where Hojo is!  
  
Reeve: I would've told you that if I knew.  
  
Aeris: Oops! We forgot! Everyone out!  
  
Yuffie: Everyone? There's only two of us.  
  
Aeris: OH WELL. Same difference.  
  
With that Aeris rushed out.  
  
Yuffie: Whatever.  
  
Yuffie followed close behind.  
  
Rufus: Now, Vincent. What business do you have with me?  
  
Vincent: Not yet.  
  
Vincent glared over to Reeve's direction. Reeve blinked then squeaked and ran down to the 67th floor to play around.  
  
Vincent: Okay orange. Where's my rubber ducky?  
  
Rufus: Oh yes. The rubber ducky…hehehe…  
  
Vincent: I WANT MY RUBBER DUCKY! NOW.  
  
Rufus: I told you. I have urgent business with it now. It cannot be bothered.  
Vincent: I can't sleep. I can't eat. When are you going to be finished?  
  
Rufus: After my next bath, okay? I want to listen to what it has to say one last time.  
  
Vincent: Fine. But I will return…later.  
  
With that said, he walked out the door. Rufus looked back to the window and blinked.  
  
Rufus: REEVE! PALMER! HEIDEGGER!  
  
The three ran in, stumbling over each other.  
  
All three: YES SIR?  
  
Rufus: Fix my window, and find me my rubber ducky. NOW.  
  
Heidegger rushed downstairs, Reeve immediately set to the window, and Palmer…ate a donut.  
  
( Kalm )  
  
Hojo: Here we go. I got my special stuff for my ultimate weapon…hehehehe…  
  
Seller: Sir, you forgot your donuts!  
  
Hojo: Oh thank you.  
  
Suddenly, Sephiroth appeared in front of Hojo. Hojo squeaked and jumped back for a moment. Sephiroth stepped forward and looked at the random stuff Hojo bought.  
  
Sephiroth: I let you have 3000 gil…for this?  
  
Hojo: Well…there were a few extra things I needed.  
  
Sephiroth: Bunny covered boxers?  
  
Hojo blushed.  
  
Hojo: Er…I needed some boxers.  
  
Sephiroth continued through his stuff before walking into the inn with Hojo close behind.  
  
Sephiroth: God, I can't believe you. Anyway, we better work here it's the safest place.  
  
Hojo: Okee dokee.  
  
And with that said, he stomped into his work quickly by putting random things together, adjusting things and adding some circuitry.  
  
( Gold Saucer )  
  
Cid, Red XIII, and an unconscious Cloud tromped through the gates of the Gold Saucer. Looking around they decided to split up as soon as Cloud woke up. Finally he woke up from Cid poking him with his spear.  
  
Cloud: OW! HEY!  
  
Cid: C'mon pansy. We have to split up.  
  
After a few moments of planning, they split up into one person per group. A few hours later, they all met back up at the lobby where the Turks stood, guarding the exit. Tseng walked towards Cloud and smirked.  
  
Tseng: Thought you could get away, huh?  
  
Cloud whined for a moment, not sure of what was going on. He suddenly broke out in tears. Tseng and the other Turks blinked and then looked over to the other two, Cid and Red XIII. Cid was shaking his head slowly.  
  
Cid: $@!#%$#^$^%! Pansy! Get up and quit yer whining!  
  
Red XIII: Cloud. This is highly immature.  
  
Cloud sniffed and looked over to the two and stood.  
  
Cloud: Yuh-You guys are meeaan.  
  
Red XIII: Cloud. Grow up.  
  
Cloud: Buh-But--!  
  
Cid: I agree with Mr. Kitty here, no buts.  
  
Tseng: Don't forget we're here!  
  
Reno pulled out his ElectroRod, Elena and Rude held up their fists and prepared for a battle.  
  
Tseng: Heheh  
  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
Chapter 2 coming soon! WHAT'S TO HAPPEN!? O_O  
HYPERRRRRRRNESS. :D  
  
Kay...  
  



End file.
